BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT

Or Am I?

As you will know if you have been paying attention, I have just embarked on my second tour with my new show which is called ‘Because I’m Worth It’. My first show was called ‘Older Bolder Wiser’ and was focussed on some of the positives of getting older along with some stories from my life which have, more or less, made me the big mouth I am.

Anyway, for this new show I am exploring the fact that, at the grand old age of 64, I feel that this is finally MY TIME. Now that the hard work of raising kids, running a busy home, supporting himself and elderly parents is all over, I am at a place where I can put myself first. You know, put me at the centre of my life. Oh yes, now it’s all about ME.

However, as I recount in the show, that’s not always as easy as it sounds. And coupled with the fact that I can be a right eejit at times, I have come a cropper more than once with hilarious results. Come to the show… link

I kicked off this new tour two weeks ago in Swords. My second gig was in Tuam in County Galway. Now much as I don’t mind driving, I am not keen on driving at night especially long distances and so if I am more than about an hour and a half from home I will opt to stay over.

The first time I had to do this was last year in Ennis. And I thought to myself, Ennis has two lovely hotels that I have stayed in before – The Old Ground and The Templegate. Then I went online to check availability and cost… and they were way out of my budget. Like I am not playing to large rooms… and so I can’t blow everything I earn from my show on a hotel… even if I am worth it!

So, I booked a B&B out the road a bit from the town. When I checked in there was a very nice young woman on the reception and my room was lovely. But when I went to leave to head into town for my show, reception was closed and the only people around were men. No families. No women. I wasn’t delighted. And when I returned at about 11pm the place was quiet, the men presumably in their rooms.

Now I am not easily spooked but I wasn’t entirely happy with this situation and so vowed that the next time I needed overnight accommodation, I would book a hotel. As cheap a hotel as was available.

And so to Tuam two weeks ago. When I googled accommodation in the town the only thing available and within my budget (which is €100 - €150) was what looked like a cabin in someone’s garden. It looked nice enough but I wasn’t keen. The description also gave the distance from Galway Greyhound Racing track… something that put me right off.

So I decided to search towns that were back in the direction of Dublin. And came up with a hotel in Athenry. It looked grand and the cost was quoted was €150. The advantages of a hotel for when I am on the road are (1) that I can have a light bite in the bar before heading to my gig and that (2) I can have a drink in the bar when I return to help me sleep!!

The hotel was more or less as I expected for the price – grand although stuffed with ‘stuff’ – millions of cushions and ornaments. The room I was shown to was the size of a cupboard with the smallest shower I have ever seen – I would have had to get in and out of it sideways. So I asked to be moved which in fairness I was – into a larger room which was clean and comfortable.

When I was given the room key I was also told there was a fob for the front door in case it should be locked when I returned. “I won’t be late,” I assured the young women and took the key.

After the show I got straight in my car and headed back to my lodgings dreaming of the lovely G&T I would have in the bar before bed. I arrived back at about 10.20pm and as I drove into the car park my heart sank. There were no cars there… not one. I went to the front door which was locked. I let myself in and headed to the bar – which was locked too. The place was very quiet. Not a sound.

I was so unnerved that I left again and went up the road in search of a G&T because I figured that I would definitely need it to help me sleep.

I returned and went straight to bed and wrestled with my thoughts which were “you are the only person in this whole building” and “what if there’s a fire – you don’t know what other exits there are”.

I slept. Next morning I just wanted to get on the road for home… but over breakfast I asked the lovely young woman who served me, if my fears were correct. “Was I the only person in the hotel last night?” “Oh yes,” she replied cheerfully, “gas really cos we were really busy last week.”

Gas alright! As I drove home I pondered how ironic it is that I am performing a show called ‘Because I’m Worth It’ and yet I am clearly not…. As I can’t stay in the kind of luxury (actually just safety really) that I desire.

So what to do while I build my audiences? Camper van hire? No, that wouldn’t feel safe either. Drive home? Tempting but I am usually tired after a show and not ideal.

What I need is a car company to sponsor me. You know put a lovely car and a chauffeur at my disposal on the nights that I have a show too far to drive back.

Imagine that. Coming out of a venue and into a shiny car where I could sip on my G&T in the back seat while Michelle drives me home. What great social media content that would be…. Sure a car company would be delighted with that, no?

Oh yes, a car and driver for long distance performances… BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM BLOODY WELL WORTH IT!

So if you know a car company - you know what to do!! Oh and here is the full tour at the moment… you know so they know where I need to get to and from!!!